SHE AIN’T SLOW, SHE’S MY (TALL) DAUGHTER

Back in the day when yours truly was just getting comfortable in my own skin circa the mid-90s, I realized something which would soon exasperate me to no end, but which I found pretty cool at the time: I was taller than every other girl in my class and as tall or taller than some of the boys.

I thought it would keep boys from picking on me, but instead some of them (the runts) were intimidated by me. All the girls secretly envied me, telling me wistfully that I could be a runway model, given my height and (stick) figure.


WHAT THEY DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT WAS THE TEARFUL FRUSTRATION OF A TEENAGE GIRL WHO WANTED TO LOOK CUTE IN CLOTHES THAT WERE ALWAYS TOO SHORT EVERYWHERE—SLEEVES, LEGS—OR HUNG LIKE A TENT WHEN GOING UP A SIZE.


What they didn’t know about was the tearful frustration of a teenage girl who wanted to look cute in clothes that were always too short everywhere—sleeves, legs—or hung like a tent when going up a size. It was incorrectly assumed that I must be an expert at basketball and volleyball, but when the cat was out of the bag, I would hang my head in shame.

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NO KIDS? (I MIGHT BE BIASED AGAINST YOU)

no kids i might be biased against youIn the past, I would befriend just about anyone who I had something in common with, could share a laugh or two, or just because they were friendly. Nowadays, things are very different. Whenever I meet someone new, my first question isn’t Do you have kids? it’s How many kids do you have? All the other friendship qualities seem to take a backseat.

Clearly there’s a reason for all this: Parents just Get It. With other mommy and daddy friends, we don’t need to endure the shock of guests who visit our toy-strewn home. We don’t need to tolerate an annoyed eyeroll when we say we can’t meet at a certain time because it will interfere with the baby’s next feeding.

Whenever I spy a Childless Couple (CC) across a parking lot, walking at their own pace, carefree, hand-in-hand, I, The Bag Lady, look down at my many bags (diaper, snack, purse) and juggle them while lifting my toddler out of her carseat, trying to hear what my husband is saying over the sound of traffic, and think: We used to be you. But not anymore. Now it’s impossible for me to imagine being friends with a CC. It’s like we’re two different species.

Here we go!

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MY BABY DOES THIS (BUT I’LL NEVER ADMIT IT)

my baby does this-never admit itI have a confession to make: my 4-month-old daughter Peanut sleeps through the night.

As in 10 hours.

She has done so for the past month now.

Phew! That feels so much better! 

But, strangely enough, I haven’t yet admitted this to any of my mommy friends. Why? Have I done something wrong? Should I feel ashamed?

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