Comments 12


I went back and forth before writing this post.

Actually, the post was there in my mind for awhile, but I had yet to commit it to words.

On New Year’s Eve 2015, I found out my friend and classmate of nearly 25 years had passed away earlier that month. She was only in her mid-thirties.

I found out randomly while very briefly checking my Facebook updates. I don’t like to spend a lot of time on FB, but quickly clicked over to my feed, expecting to see the usual Starbucks photo or someone ranting about the weather.

I saw a mutual friend’s update mentioning the sad and shocking news. I messaged her and few others to fill in the blanks of what happened. Apparently there had been family problems and unfortunately a drug addiction was involved too. She also left behind two young daughters. I don’t want to go too much into detail of what little I know, but many hearing this may be quick to condemn her, calling her selfish.

Back in school, she was intelligent and talkative. She was the only child of a single mother and never knew her father, other than that he had a violent past.

During recess at times, she would talk at length about how she wished she had known him and how hard her life seemed to be. I’m sure she carried this burden well into adulthood, determined not to let history repeat itself.

She was teased quite a bit right through eighth grade (when she left our school), mostly called fat. I was one of the only people who hung out with her. I guess we just clicked somehow.

I found her online through MySpace years later and messaged her before giving her a call. We hadn’t spoken in 12 years. She seemed well and spoke happily about her family. The final time we spoke was in 2012, and things weren’t as great, but okay. I thought about calling her again sometime after that, but never seemed to have the time…

I guess what I’m trying to say is, we all have our own baggage from the past, whether it’s with parents, a spouse, siblings, friendships gone south, or even with children. We should be mindful of these things any time we interact with someone and realize that our words can cut deeper than we could ever know.

And find a few minutes to pick up the phone or send that text. Your words may be exactly what they do need to hear.

RIP my friend.


  1. I lost a friend to cancer and she never told that to anyone out of here family because she didn’t want to be pitied. I felt sad and left out when she just passed away without saying anything, and we’d talked just a week ago. I felt so sad and remembering it now I still feel like it’s all a joke and she is going to come back. :/

    I am sorry that you also lost your friend. I understand how bad and sad it feels and even if you didn’t talk it must ve meant something that you shared it here…. I hope she rest in peace and wherever she is I hope she is happier. God bless her and her daughters.

    See you. Take care.

    • Thank you Hemangini. I felt guilty and writing was one of the ways I dealt with it. I believe my friend is in a better place, but I also pray for her family.

      It must have been so difficult for you not to know about your friend’s illness, but I guess it’s better to respect the person’s wishes and have faith that it was not done to offend you. ❤

  2. eastwestlovestory says

    I’m sorry for your loss Jen. Very good advice about reaching out to friends, even if it is only online. The good vibes can really help.

  3. Hi Jen, I’m sorry to hear about your friend. Good advice to us all that it’s good to say hello to old friends even if it means sending a text or Whatsapp message in spite of our busy schedules. We may never know that our short message could have saved them from taking drastic measures or at least, help them feel less weary.


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