๐Ÿท opinion / ๐Ÿ‘ถ motherhood

6 reasons why I will never co-sleep with my children

6 reasons why I will never cosleep
I don’t believe in co-sleeping. I never have, and it’s pretty safe to say, I never will. If it’s done occasionally, I can understand, such as in situations when my child has a nightmare, or if she isn’t feeling well.

But I just don’t understand how parents are okay with their kid(s) sleeping in their bed with them every night. At what point do you direct the child to his own bed? Does he even have one? Until what age does a child who co-sleeps stay with Mom and Dad in their bed?

I guess more research needs to be done to see the long-term effects of this behavior, but at the very least, the short-term consequences should be examined. (Note: The following represents my opinions only.)

THE CHILD WILL NOT LEARN INDEPENDENCE

If Junior is so used to feeling Mom and Dad near him as he sleeps, wouldn’t he need their presence just to fall asleep?


WOULD HE ALWAYS NEED TO FEEL SOMEONE ELSE THERE TO FEEL MORE SECURE? ARE THE PARENTS DOING IT TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL MORE SECURE? IF SO, WHAT LESSON DOES THIS TEACH THE CHILD?


Would he always need to feel someone else there to feel more secure? Are the parents doing it to make themselves feel more secure? If so, what lesson does this teach the child?

CHILDREN DON’T JUST ‘OUTGROW’ CO-SLEEPING ON THEIR OWN

If they had their way, kids would co-sleep with their parents as long as they all fit in the bed. After that, one of the parents would need to relocate to the couch.

IF THE CHILD STILL DOESN’T SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT, THE PARENTS’ SLEEP WILL BE AFFECTED AS WELL

Not sleeping through the night doesn’t just mean crying. It can also include whining, talking during sleep, tossing and turning, kicking, etc.

EVEN IF THE CHILD IS POTTY TRAINED, ACCIDENTS HAPPEN

Enough said.

IF THE CHILD WILL ONLY SLEEP WITH MOM AND DAD, EITHER SHE STAYS UP UNTIL HER PARENTS GO TO BED, OR HER PARENTS FIND THEMSELVES GOING TO BED DURING PRIMETIME TELEVISION

After our kids are in bed, the next two to three hours are all my husband and I have all day to do anything for ourselves, be it watching a movie, catching up on the news, checking email, or just sitting on the couch with our feet up on the coffee table without shouting, “Stop it!”, “Too close to the TV!”, “Don’t hit your sister!” and on and on and on. If they co-slept with us, we would totally lose our minds.

CHILDREN WON’T LEARN DISCIPLINE AND BOUNDARIES

Kids tend to have their own toys, highchair, dishes, and car seats. So why shouldn’t they have their own place to sleep? There needs to be a level of respect taught regarding their own and others’ private space.

When I ask my friends how they feel about co-sleeping, most of them admit that it started as a one-time thing—To Stop Her From Crying or We Needed Sleep. Then the nights stretched to weeks, the weeks to months. Next thing they knew, their child was absolutely unwilling to leave the bed.


WHEN I ASK MY FRIENDS HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT CO-SLEEPING, MOST OF THEM ADMIT THAT IT STARTED AS A ONE-TIME THING—TO STOP HER FROM CRYING OR WE NEEDED SLEEP. THEN THE NIGHTS STRETCHED TO WEEKS, THE WEEKS TO MONTHS. NEXT THING THEY KNEW, THEIR CHILD WAS ABSOLUTELY UNWILLING TO LEAVE THE BED.


We were almost in that situation with Peanut up until recently, but we realized that if we kept going at this rate, she would never leave our bed (for the record, she was sleeping in our bed for only a few weeks–I broke all my rules before coming to my senses).

Now we do this, and stick to it. It wasn’t that much of an adjustment for her, thankfully, but we knew we had pulled back from the precipice just in time. Even though we put up with her crying almost every night, we know it will get easier with time as she learns her own sense of independence and feels secure in her own crib by herself.

  


Do you believe in co-sleeping with your children? If so, how and when do you transition them out of your bed?


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25 thoughts on “6 reasons why I will never co-sleep with my children

  1. I completely agree about the need to learn respect about boundaries. I’m currently co-sleeping with my youngest since we’re still in the breastfeeding on-demand phase but I’m trying to be firm with my eldest who wants to sneak in bed with us. I’m strict with the bedtime routine and my husband not so much, it’s definitely a struggle!

  2. I found it easier to co-sleep then get up to breast feed. I am a rather clutsy individual and the last thing I would want to do is trip over my own two feet while holding the baby just to pick her up to feed her. I am going to stop co-sleeping when she is a year old because that is when she is done breast feeding. Sure it can be frustrating to go to bed with the baby. I keep a small light in my room to do light reading until I am tired and pass out with her. I know the first few weeks of transitioning her to her own room will be rough. Luckily when she is full and somewhat tired during the day I can lay her in her bed and she will pass out on her own with no fuss. This tells me that she can be independent enough to put herself to sleep. She is not on my hip all day long though and I think that will make a difference for the future.

    • I can identify with the worry that you might trip while holding the baby too, especially in the middle of the night when you’re already sleep-deprived as it is. It’s good that she is taking naps on her own already, but after a year of breastfeeding and sleeping with Mom she will be pretty attached! You would be stopping the strong bond of nursing at the same time as stopping the strong attachment of co-sleeping. Post about it and let us know how it goes! I’m sure there are other moms who would benefit from your experience.Best wishes to you and your daughter ๐Ÿ’•

  3. Could NOT agree more. In every situation I know, Co-sleeping lasts far too long and it ABSOLUTELY hinders the intimate relationship of the marriage. How can it not? Totally spoke to this in the blog I’m publishing today about sexual intimacy.

  4. I agree with the post. As soon as my kids outgrew their bassinet, they began sleeping in their cribs. When my son was a toddler he would get out of his bed at least 3-4 times every night and come in our bed. Each time he did that I TOOK HIM BACK TO HIS BED!!! this went on for about 7 months and then he finally stopped. There is not one co sleeping parent I personally know that doesn’t regret doing it. They are having such a difficult time breaking their kids out of the habit. It has also affected some of their marital relationships as well. I love cuddling too but it’s in their bed at bedtime

    • I love this!! You are so badass! ๐Ÿ˜Ž Taking them back over and over is so exhausting but so very worth it. And I’m glad you mentioned the part about marital relationships suffering. A mom friend of mine who became an accidental co-sleeper described her relationship with her husband as “roommates” because they NEVER had time alone in their room. What you said is also true about co-sleepers: they all end up regretting it (at least the ones I know too).

        • i coslept with my son i do not regret it so i breastfed and coslpet with him until he was 15 months and it wasnt not hard to transition him in his own bed it took him a week to get used to it and now he just automatically goes there so no i do not believe all parents regret cosleeping i know play that dont regret it

  5. I started to co sleep as I was breastfeeding my daughter on demand, it worked for us. Now I will read a story to her in her bed, snuggle until she falls asleep (it doesn’t take long) – and the rest of the evening is my own. I do insist on a really tight bedtime routine, and I think that helps a lot – kids need routines, they define the boundaries.

  6. We cosleep. I wasn’t planning on it, but then we went to the NICU. I decided I didn’t care about spoiling him anymore when we got home. I’m dreading transitioning eventually, but I don’t regret it. I think it depends on how each family works. It’s definitely not for everyone!

  7. My daughter is almost 4 yo and she still sleeps with us. It was suppossed to be a one time thing but she didnt want to leave! Its the only way I can sleep, but it I could do it over, I would have limited the number of times she slept with us.

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