Pregnancy is one of the biggest things an individual can go through as a woman. It’s a time for warm fuzzies…and awkward and downright offensive situations. Here are some of my personal favorites (ah, memories):
1. You look so beautiful. I know you’re think you’re trying to be nice, but even if she’s glowing on the outside, she feels tired, hormonal, achy, hungry, nauseous, hungry and nauseous, fat, bloated…you get the idea. She doesn’t feel beautiful, so it sounds patronizing. Stop rubbing it in.
2. Can I rub your belly? (Then rub it anyway.) Unless you’re Daddy, another family member, or a very close friend, never touch her belly without permission, or better yet, don’t even ask. She already feels like a circus freak, and this will only add to it.
3. Looking at you, I just want to have another one! She cannot imagine going through what she’s experiencing again, let alone now. Until the baby comes, that is. But she’ll never believe you if she’s a first-time mom, so let her figure it out on her own.
4. Did you pick out a name? What is it? What is it?! If she says yes, and then there’s an awkward silence, chances are she’s not ready to actually say the name out loud to others yet. Don’t keep asking—she’s not going to tell you. If she wants everyone to know, believe me, she’ll find a way to sneak the baby’s name into every conversation.
5. Are you feeling okay? (over and over) She’s okay, trust me. If she’s not, she knows what to do—tell her doctor, talk to her husband and family, take time off work. She’s trying to feel her best and keep it together, so don’t make her think she’s falling apart or there’s something wrong with her.
6. You look like you’re ready to pop! She’s already nervous about giving birth, possibly for the first time. No pregnant woman wants to think about “popping” in any sense. Stop it.
7. Labor is extremely painful. What’s wrong with you?! Yes, it hurts. A lot. And more than that. But don’t say it out loud, for goodness sake. Not cool, people. (If you’re currently pregnant for the first time, I hope you didn’t read this one.)
8. You’re going to poop in front of the doctor, nurses, and your husband while giving birth, but it’s okay! Wait…WHAT?!! Whoa, no one told me this! she’ll shriek. Yes, it’s true. But why mention it now? Childbirth ain’t pretty guys, but thankfully, at that point—and only at that point—she is not going to know or care which end is up, only that the doctors get the baby out and keep her alive. That’s what I was thinking anyway. I’m not going into the rest. (If you’re currently pregnant for the first time, I hope you didn’t read this one either.)
What’s the strangest thing someone has said or done to you while you were pregnant?